Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Marti Gorton, Dilemma Resolved

Posted in group by Marti Gorton:

I'm going to post here, knowing that my friends and family will possibly see it and perhaps have their own opinions, which of course is their right.  I'm going to try to keep it condensed.  Read.  Totally 'get it,' if you scan through.  The smartest do, I believe.

I was basically born into the Watchtower Society and knew nothing else.  I tried to rebel, but it became easier to cooperate.  My mother is a Jehovah's Witness, Ali G., with two younger sisters, but my father never was and they have been divorced for years.
After I left and was disfellowshipped, my mother maybe spoke to me once a year, basically to see if I was alive.  When I told her I was pregnant, there was supreme disappointment, yet this underlying joy at getting a grandchild, so the phone calls became a little more frequent and honestly, I was grateful and happy for their involvement and really thought this could be some sort of bridge and safe place we could all be together.

Fast forward.... I gave birth to my daughter and, as a single mother with a really odd work schedule, I came to rely on my Jehovah's Witness family for support.  I never really truly ever thought it would be a problem.  I am loving and caring and so are family,
so it should all somehow be alright.  Am I right?

Wrong.  It has taken me some time to accept that regardless, my Jehovah's Witness family's goal is to indoctrinate my daughter/their grandchild anyway.  After I told my mother that she wasn't allowed to take her granddaughter to the Kingdom Hall anymore she came unglued, calling me vicious and evil and asking why did I want to hurt her and my daughter.

I have received two text messages from my mother, the first apologizing for calling me vicious and wicked, which she originally denied doing, and the second saying she would respect my wishes regarding not taking my daughter to the Kingdom Hall and to please have my daughter call her and when can she see her again.  I have responded to neither, I'm still too angry and hurt and until I can focus on what I really want to say, I won't respond.  My mother and I both know it's not about going to the Kingdom Hall, so, as much as it hurts and will hurt my daughter, *deep breath* my mother is not allowed to see her until I say she can, and most likely, it will not be without me.

This whole situation puts such a bad taste in my mouth.  I don't like being like Jehovah's Witnesses, in any way shape or form, but I'm going to take their standpoint, as if to say, "I'm doing this because I love you.  Until you see the dangerous path you are on, I will shun you, hoping that you can see how much I love you to do this."

So, we are at odds and I'm actually very hurt, but somewhat at peace.  These are the bones of the situation and there are, of course, so many, many more layers.  Although my mother has apologized via text messages, I don't feel like talking right now, but my daughter is home and safe with me and is going to stay that way.

It's been a few days and my.mind has been racing, and while I have no intent on denying my daughter a relationship with her grandmother, I do intend to be a lot more in control of it.  Right at this moment, I want to write to her and ask her how it feels to be shunned and ignored.  I am honestly torn between the desire to say, "Shunning!  How do you like it now?!" or whether take the calm, but super-annoying high road.   

It's so sad.  My mother has, in a sense, dug her own grave, as far as being allowed to have a granddaughter.  I still can't respond until I come out of this crazy, angry moment.  But my heart is kind, yet no longer weak.  I have already sent messages to all of my Jehovah's Witness family that they can take us as a unit, but I will no longer allow them to only communicate with my daughter.  So, now if they want to see her then I will be there...end of story. 

If any have been in a similar situation or haven't but have thoughts I welcome them.
Thank you for reading, I love you all.