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Thursday, December 4, 2014

Carolan Bowen, Happy, Safe and Alive

Contributed by Noel Parsons
 I was brought up as a 4th generation Jehovah's Witness (JW).  My entire family were JWs and I had no one to talk to.  I never believed in their beliefs, but did what I was told, because it was the way we were brought up.  I would often question my mother about things and when she could not answer my questions, her response was always, "That's just what the bible says."  

Because of my questionings, I was treated differently than my other siblings.  At twelve years of age, I was taken out of school and home-schooled.  Then at the age of fourteen years, I got a job and by the age of fifteen to sixteen years, I ended up experiencing great depression, because I did not want to be a JW anymore. At the time, I became suicidal, thinking it would be better if I were dead.  At least, I would not have to live my life for their Watchtower Society cult anymore and I would be at peace.  I realized, also, that I could never kill myself, because I could never put my family through that.  

I continued with living the JW life and was baptized, because I thought it would please my parents and make them proud of me.  Unfortunately, that did not work and, at this point, I had no one to turn to, nowhere to go.

At eighteen years of age, I moved out in my attempt to get away from it all, but my mother's little spies were everywhere.  By this point, I knew I could not live the JW life anymore.  My suicidal thoughts returned and again, I thought that it would be better if I were dead.  That is when a lady at work took me under her wing and I am forever grateful to her, because I don't know where I would be now, if she had not been there for me.  

I have been disfellowshipped and shunned by my family for six years, but I now have a beautiful family of my own.  My partner's family is so loving and caring and the past six years have been the happiest and hardest of my life, but I am finally free to be me.