I was "born in" and was the last of 4 children that my mother brought into this world. She had been a witness since she was 16 years old and was extremely devout. My father was a molester and a child beater so the very first memories that I have are of being sexually abused while taking a bath in the kitchen sink (so probably 6 months old) and of being beaten with a belt and my mother and father standing over me while he beat me.
I remember thinking the words in my head "how could she let him do this to me"? My sister told me I was 6 months old at that time too.
My mother was highly abusive to myself and my siblings but (as they claim) she was tired out by the time I came along so I "got it" less often than I should have.
For me, the abuse was too much to take as I would get beaten for the slightest infractions. If my bed wasnt made, the floor wasnt swept, my closet was a mess or I had things stuffed under my bed. She was a clean freak who owned a business named "Spotless Cleaning Service". So her business and children had to live up to the name of her business just like JW's have to live up to the reputation of the religion and not blacken Jehovah's name.
When I was 14 years old my mother was married to her third husband and I was being molested by my him and my mother was a severe alcoholic, bible thumping JW. One day she came home from work and my bed wasnt made properly so she got her belt and her bottle and told me to come on. We were going an hour away from home to Reno, to get a motel where she was going to beat me all night and drink while she did.
On the way to Reno she stopped by one of her jobs to check and be sure it was ready for the people to come stay. (We lived in Lake Tahoe and this was a summer vacation home). While she was inside and I was in the car, I was getting more and more angry and nervous about the upcoming beating I was going to get and I searched through the glovebox for something to pop her tire with, ( cause I was about to bounce out) and I found a pocket knife, so I stuck it under the tire and climbed up the rocks on the hillside and ran to a motel to call my math teacher to help me.
Previous to this I had approached my teacher at school and asked her, (Isnt it illegal to beat your kids now?) My teacher met me at that motel where I had crouched down in the phone booth to hide from her. My teacher picked me up and took me to the sheriff's dept. for me to tell them my story. I lived with my teacher for about 2 months but during that two months my mother got my older sister to con me into going to my sister's house for the day and when we were in a 7 11, my mother showed up and whisked me away in her van to my brother's house in Carson City, (which is about an hour from home). While there at his home she had elders come and pray over me to get the demons to leave me. She took my shoes away so I couldnt run through the sage brush and they all prayed. I fought them tooth and nail until she gave up and took me back to my teachers.
I thought I was safe from her but once again she had a change of heart and she (somehow) got the police to return me to her where she proceeded to beat me for over a two day period plus she turned my step-father loose on me and he beat me too. They beat me so badly that a month later I still had black and blue bruises from my neck to my ankles.
At some point in the middle of this movie type nightmare my mother took me to a shrink and told him that she wanted to have me committed to an institution. (I had been brought to him before when I was at my teachers house so he knew me already) He told her that he needed to talk to me alone before he gave her a recommendation for an institution. So she told him I was dangerous and she left me alone with him.
He asked me if I was ok. I said no. He asked me if they had beat me. I said yes. He asked me if I had bruised. I said yes. He asked me to show him. I did. He got instantly livid. He told me that I needed to just keep the same attitude that I had right now and play along with him. He was going to get me away from her and I would never have to live with her again. And then he told her that he was going to drive me to the institution (an hour and a half away) and have me committed. She told him to put me in the cage in back cause I would try to kill him. (I had stabbed my step-father with a fork)
He drove me to Auburn to Dewitt Center and I stayed for two days during which time the police took pictures of my back and the county formulated a complaint against her for child abuse. I believe I was one of the first child abuse cases that was prosecuted against a parent in the state when it first became illegal to beat your kids.
Due to the severe psycological and physical abuse that I went through as a child, from being told that your fingers will rot off if you masturbate to being sexually abused by my step-father and by an elder in the hall to knowing that I was going to die at Armageddon and being beat daily practically by my mother, I still have many "issues" and problems. I am sexually repressed, I have issues with men, and I am a LOUD MOUTHED advocate for protecting children that are being harmed in ANY way.
But I raised my three kids away from the vices of that cult and I carry my own "pamphlets" courtesy of Silentlambs, to give out if they approach me. I have been shunned by my family for over 30 years but my step-father is still a witness in good standing even though they know that he molested his own daughter and his own grand daughter who was taken from my parents as an 18 month baby when they discovered that she had been severely assaulted at that very tender age; and I still have dreams that my mother is coming through the window to "get me" even though she has been dead for 20 years and I have been "out" for over 30 years.
I hate this cult with a passion that others probably dont have and my only real pressing need in my life is to be here when and if it is taken apart piece by piece by the authorites.
Published exactly as written by Cheri Cozine-Romero.
Mom, how come you let me cry?
I am scared and all alone.
That man you married, he told a lie,
Is this what you condone?
Mom, you should have helped me.
You should have seen the danger signs.
Mom, this crime just cannot be,
Someone needs to pay the price
Mom, damn you, you took his side,
and the elders, they took it too.
Mom, I know God will not abide
By the horrible things they do.
Mom, you died with a heavy heart,
and he went on to hurt others.
Mom, I will heal then I will start,
to support my hurting brothers.
Cheri R August 2003
Published exactly as written by Cheri Cozine-Romero.
|What about the children?|